Forgiven and forgiving

“If Your Brother Sins Against You”

(Matthew 18:15-35, Preaching: Pastor Stephen Magee, Jan. 20, 2008)

Matthew 18:15-35 ¹⁵ "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. ¹⁹ Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." ²¹ Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" ²² Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. ²³ "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. ²⁵ And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. ²⁶ So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' ²⁷ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸ But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.' ²⁹ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' ³⁰ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. ³¹ When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. ³² Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³ And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' ³⁴ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. ³⁵ So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

Introduction – Brothers

One of the surprising facts about growing up and moving away from home is that the family contacts that are so much a part of your identity may not be a part of your daily life ever again. I shared a room with my brother Chris for fourteen years of my life until he went away to college. He taught me so many things. We use to sing in a variety of public settings, and spent hours practicing together. I was his best man when He got married, and I was only a sophomore in high school at the time. But already by that point my brother had become a more distant figure in my life. This was shocking to me. As siblings grow up, get married, move away, and pursue their own interests and responsibilities, it is only natural that even close brothers would lose the daily connection that was once a part of their normal lives. The emotional distance that can develop over the years can be a very sad change, even though there may be no matter of conflict driving a wedge between brothers.

Sin and brothers (15-17)

This is a much more serious problem when there is a real breach between brothers caused by sin. The hard feelings caused by some offense can make any kind of communication very difficult. In the church we are part of the Lord’s family. Others who are with us are called brothers and sisters in Christ. Our Lord has given us a way to deal with sin among brothers. This method can be useful in many different settings, but here Christ speaks about relationships in His church. The system is very straight forward. Let me highlight some of the principles.

1. Private conflicts are best resolved privately and directly.

2. Only broaden the discussion of sin in the case when your brother refuses to listen to you.

3. Only bring the matter formally to the church when the conflict cannot be resolved informally.

4. If someone refuses to listen to the correction of the church, that person is no longer a brother in Christ.

Before we would ever use the simple procedures outlined in these verses, we need to take a good look at our own hearts. When we become involved in conflict with someone who was once close to us, it hurts very much. Before we lash out against someone with an accusation, we need to ask ourselves what we are trying to do. Do you want to love your brother or hate your brother? Do you want to gain your brother or do you want to lose your brother? If you simply want someone to be declared wrong so that you can be right, then you don’t want the commands that Jesus is giving in Matthew 18. These procedures are for someone who wants to gain his brother, not for someone who wants to be done with his brother.

I could speak to you in greater detail concerning the method of personal correction and church accountability that Jesus teaches us about here, but I think that the specifics of addressing sin and conflict are best discussed in a different setting, where you can ask questions. This kind of system of loving family accountability requires a level of trust and receptivity to godly correction that few seem genuinely open to in our day. Remember also that Matthew 18 is not the only passage in the Bible concerning conflict and sin within the church. Every problem does not need to be pursued officially or quickly. There is a place for patience, mutual forbearance, a willingness to be wronged rather than to cause a breach, and a love that covers over a multitude of sins. Keep that in mind as you try to live charitably with others in the family of Christ.

With all of that said, the system taught in Matthew 18 is for the good of the church, and occasionally it must be pursued even to the painful conclusion of the removal of someone from the church who simply refuses to hear the teaching of Jesus Christ on some matter of the Christian life. There is a limit to what the church can do in correcting sin. The removal of a person from the Lord’s Table is that limit. That is a very serious thing, and it is what the Lord is referring to when He mentions that we then need to treat a former brother as a “Gentile” or “tax-collector.” The point is that they were once insiders to the family of God, but now they are declared to be outsiders. Each situation is different, but there are even some cases where the church may come to the conclusion that it is no longer spiritually safe to have contact with a person.

Earthly and heavenly binding loosing (18-20)

When Jesus speaks of telling the “church” or “assembly” about an offense, the word assembly used here refers to the smaller assembly within the larger church that has the special job of making official decisions about who is part of the family and who is not. This is supposed to be done by the elders of the church who have a special role of spiritual oversight for the members of the congregation. In verses 18-20, Jesus emphasizes that the decisions of the judicial assembly of the church are very serious. They cannot be lightly dismissed. The Lord connects these decisions with the authority of heaven.

That is not to say that the church always makes those decisions perfectly, or that God will not correct our errors on judgment day. The Lord knows who are His, and churches throughout history have made many mistakes. The judge of all the earth will certainly do right. Doing this job that God commits to the elders of the church is a very difficult task. He encourages them in their duty by telling them that heaven takes these decisions seriously, and most importantly, that where two or three are gathered in His name, He is there with us. Every elder involved in making difficult decisions affecting the lives of people for whom Christ died needs to meditate carefully upon this last point. Jesus needs to be the One who leads us in our deliberations. Jesus is with us in our struggles – and not just with one church in one town, but in millions of churches all over the earth. We need to ask for the aid of the Holy Spirit and the leadership of the Lord, so that we will remember that our goal in all of this is that the forgiveness of God would be known and experienced in the family of God as we all turn away from sin, and turn toward the joy of our holy Father in heaven.

How often? (21-22)

Speaking of forgiveness, two questions come up in the remainder of our passage. First, how often should I forgive my brother who sins against me? Peter suggests seven times. This is a commendable answer. Peter has at least gotten the point that we are supposed to forgive, and he has come up with an amazingly gracious answer of seven times. When was the last time that someone seriously sinned against you and you had an opportunity to forgive the person seven times for repeating the same offense?

The rule I was taught was “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” The point of that saying was that a smart person will forgive once. After that you are on your own. Peter’s guess is good, but Jesus’ answer is shocking. By seventy-seven times, Jesus is not saying that on the seventy-eighth time you no longer have the Christian duty of extending forgiveness. The point is that you need to forgive over and over and over again. It is a gospel duty.

How much? (23-35)

The second question is, how much of an offense should I forgive? The servant in the parable is forgiven a personal debt that would amount to billions of dollars. He says, “Be patient and I will repay.” Even with such a ridiculous plea, his master actually forgives the debt entirely. Then the forgiven man shows that He does not understand the forgiveness that seemed to be his. He starts choking someone who owes him about $5,000. That is not a small amount, but it is nothing compared to the billions that he owed his master.

The point here is that the person who truly receives mercy will be merciful. How much have you been forgiven? The only way to understand the size of the offense that you have committed against God is by looking at what it cost to pay for your forgiveness. The sinless Son of God gave His precious blood for you. You owed billions upon billions that you never could have paid. Remember that, and then be willing to hear the confession of your brother who has committed much smaller offenses against you. Love your brother, stay close to him, and forgive him.

Questions for meditation and discussion:

1. What is the procedure taught here for dealing with offenses in the church?

2. What does it mean for the church to treat someone as an outsider?

3. What is our duty concerning people who sin against us repeatedly, but who are not seeking forgiveness from us?

4. What are some of the ways for us to consider the seriousness of the debt that Christ has paid for us?