Have a less than perfect marriage and family?

“The Perfect Family”

(Matthew 19:1-15, Preaching: Pastor Stephen Magee, January 27, 2008)

Matthew 19:1-15 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. ² And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. ³ And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" ⁴ He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh'? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." ⁷ They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" ⁸ He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹ And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." ¹⁰ The disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." ¹¹ But he said to them, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. ¹² For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." ¹³ Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, ¹⁴ but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." ¹⁵ And he laid his hands on them and went away.

Introduction

It is no surprise to anyone that we live in a time of serious family difficulties. In our right concern about that, I wonder if we need to spend more time thinking about the blessed gift of marriage and children. Is it possible that our fearful hearts get stuck on the problems around us, particularly concerning our own guilt and shame, and we end up undervaluing the gift of family in our homes and especially in the Lord’s house?

Can the Lord heal our lives? (1-2)

It may help us to remember that the Lord Jesus Christ knows how to heal individuals. He also knows how to heal families. In the opening two verses of this chapter we simply marvel at the immediacy of the healing, and long to be more fully in His presence. There were large crowds following Him, full of broken people who needed help. Is that why you and I are here today? Brothers and sisters we have come to the place of healing, and our families need healing. We marvel at the fact that when Jesus was with those large crowds in Judea, “He healed them there.” We need healing, and we also need forgiveness, for we have violated His commandments in this area in our lives.

What God has joined together (3-6)

In Matthew 19 the Pharisees come and speak about divorce. Jesus changes the topic from the sad reality of broken relationships to the blessed gift of marriage. He brings us back to Genesis 2 and God’s provision of Eve that made the difference between “not good” and “very good.” The first “not good” in the Bible comes from the aloneness of the man. It is not good for the man to be alone. God made a powerful help for Him in the gift of His wife, who was like him, but not like him – opposite him, but not opposite him. At the end of the day, God would look at all He had done and would say, it was “very good.” He who made us male and female would say that one man from one family and one woman from a second family would be joined together in the creation of a new family. They were two, but now by God’s gift they are one and should be fruitful and multiply. We have to take in the wonder of that great gift.

There is a mystery here of the two becoming one, and the mystery is connected to physical intimacy that should be the private consummating act after a public commitment of a man and a woman who have now become husband and wife. The passage seems to say that God does something in that physical union that is a creation of one, where formally there were two. What God joins together in this way, man is not supposed to tear apart.

Hardness of heart (7-9)

Sadly man has done this and will do this until the Lord comes again. There are many reasons for this and every situation has its complexities. Most often, it seems that once things get very bad as sin is added to sin, there seems to be no way to make things right without what looks to be even more sin. Does a woman try to stay with a man who is putting her in dangerous situations? Where is the way out which avoids all sin? Does a couple stop a relationship that has gone too far, when it does not appear to be the right thing for them to marry? Does a man who has a pattern of falling into immorality do better to be married than to continue to seek the gift of a single life? These are just a few of the real life situations that people deal with.

To answer these questions we must take seriously not only the directives of Matthew 19, Matthew 5, First Corinthians 7, and many Old Testament passages that speak of marriage, but also general biblical directives to holiness, justice, charity, and wisdom. We also need to give serious consideration to our legal status as married or unmarried, and to our own holy desires as those loved by God and citizens of heaven by grace and not works.

Despite all of these complexities, the way of God presented for us in these verses is both simple and wonderful: one man and one woman together forever as a display of Christ and the church. The problem is not in God’s plan, but in our hard hearts. The only answer for that is continually to appeal to Christ for aid, which most often seems to come in the real life changes that take place in the midst of suffering.

In both the New and the Old Testament there is an acknowledgement of marital sin. For instance, in the Old Testament, the Law of Moses in Deuteronomy 24 put some limits on going back and forth between divorcing and remarrying the same woman with different marriages in between. The underlying teaching is no different than what Jesus is saying here and in Matthew 5. God expects us to stay together, and He is so certain of this that He will not let us treat His gift of marriage so casually that we think nothing of divorcing a woman, and then remarrying her later after she has been with another man who also divorced her. God was in no sense commanding or even recommending divorce. He did make some allowance for such behavior, just as the Apostle Paul seems to in 1 Corinthians 7 when he says that people should not divorce or separate from one another, but then he says that if they do, they should stay unmarried or reconcile. One may wonder what he would have said if we asked him, “But what if they get involved in another relationship? Then what?” We just don’t know, and we are unfortunately very creative in the number of ways that we violate God’s laws on these matters. Is this good? No, it is not. Does it surprise God? Not really. He is aware of our hardness of heart. Is there forgiveness for all manner of sin? Yes there is. Does that make it right? No, but there is forgiveness. All inappropriate immorality and divorcing and remarrying is against the seventh commandment. But there is much forgiveness through Christ’s blood.

Eunuchs for the Kingdom (10-12)

The clarity of the Lord’s instruction regarding the permanence of marriage caused some to wonder whether it might just be better not to marry at all. Many today seem to like that plan, but the Lord says that the ability to live without marriage is not something that everyone has. He says that some are unable from birth to consummate a marriage. Others have been hurt by men, and cannot perform the normal function of a husband. He then adds a third category. There are some who have determined not to marry in order to focus in a more devoted way on the work of God’s Kingdom. One should not presume to have such a gift of chaste single life when all the evidence seems to be against it. The point is that this is a special gift. Paul had this gift, and of course Jesus had this gift. The rest of the apostles apparently did not. Few men and women have the gift of happy singleness. Some find themselves in the single life though they do not believe that they are called by God to that life, and that is a difficult struggle. Singleness is not a natural gift for them, but a trial that needs to be received for a time, or perhaps for their lives.

The common pathway for most Christians in most times and places is to choose a husband or wife as wisely as possible, to wait for sexual intimacy until a public exchange of vows, and then to live in the enjoyment of marriage until the Lord takes a spouse away through death. It is also God’s usual plan that within the context of this marriage that the fruitfulness of children will be given. Either through birth or adoption, children are a great gift of the Lord. We need to thank God for them, and say with all of our hearts as we look at our families, “These are the ones that the Lord has graciously given.” (See Genesis 33:5.) The gift of a spouse is a marvelous blessing, and to add children around a family table is so very kind of the Lord.

This gift of family life is fundamental to Christianity, even though some will not experience it in the same way as others. The Lord has built family into the world, and into the church. Why is Jesus so intent on a forever marriage? Every marriage among men will end in some way as death takes its horrible toll. Is there a marriage that can last forever? Amazingly, there is such a marriage – the marriage of the Lord Jesus Christ with His church. Widows and orphans are invited into that most holy and fruitful marriage. Remember that the Lord Jesus did not turn away from His needy bride even when it cost Him His life in order to keep His covenant promise. We are a married people.

Let the little children come to Me (13-15)

Is there some fruitfulness that comes from this best of all marriages? It is wonderfully portrayed in the final verses of our text. They were bringing their children to Jesus for a blessing. The disciples thought that it was inappropriate, but Jesus insisted that they let the little children come to Him, and He blessed them, and said that the Kingdom belonged to such as these. We who have been urged to humbly come to the Lord of the church for blessing and healing are the children of the Kingdom as well as the bride of the Son of God. We have been given the gift of a perfect marriage and the best of all families. We enjoy this in the church now, and look for the sinless perfection of it at the coming again of the Lord.

Questions for meditation and discussion:

1. How were the Pharisees expecting to trap Jesus with this question?

2. Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife without any cause?

3. What are some of the ways that men effectively separate what God has joined together?

4. Is there any reasonable use of the final verses here to support infant baptism?